Friday 24 January 2020

The Most Perverted Way to Remember a Pack of Cards

With age, our memories fail. 

I can't remember the exact age (and that's not me playing on a pun) but around 40 our brain cells are dying at a rate on knots. I'm sure in my teens I could recall information much easier. In fact, when it came to two-year-old horse racing I could reel off form lines, horse names, trainers, courses, betting movements and future plans like I was reading them from a piece of paper. 

Today, well, I can remember more than most simply because I read, write and think about horse racing more than the average person. However, I still forget a name or a face when I really shouldn't. 

Some people have trained their minds to remember all manner of things. 

The idea of memorising a pack of cards seems difficult if not impossible. Even without a couple of jokers, it seems incredible.

Anyway, many years ago, I decided to try and memorise a full pack of cards. I wasn't sure I could remember 10 or 12 let alone 52 + 2 jokers (who would taunt me if I got it wrong). 

Could you remember a full pack of cards? 

I can imagine you saying: ''No!''

However, I am confident you could if you needed to. It wouldn't even take me putting a gun to your head. In fact, if you do achieve such a feat of memory you will probably be as surprised as others watching (if you want an audience). 

I'm confident you could do it because I did. And I'm pretty sure my brain isn't any better than Joe Bloggs. 

So how did I do it?

The answer is to make remembering something/anything into a funny story. 

It is surprising how much easier it makes what may seem an impossible challenge. 

As for the pack of cards, think of placing cards around your house, on your person, or anywhere that you can visualize. 

Let's start with a kind of perverted thought...just to help you remember one card... (laughing to myself). 

I can make you remember the King of Spades like your mind is on fire. In fact, I can guarantee from this day forth you will never forget this card even though you want to. Sorry, if this sounds disturbing, but it's all about remembering a pack of cards. 

The first card to visualise in our story to remember a pack of cards. The King of Spade is found in my underpants. 

Remember these cards are chosen at random (you just make a story to remember them). 

The next two cards to remember are the five of hearts and seven of clubs. 

So in my mind, the King of Spades was given five heart transplants and in his right hand, he is holding a club with the number 7 scorched on it. In fact, the club is on fire which makes me rather hot under the collar (or underpants) and I rush to the sink in the kitchen to turn on the tap, where you bump into my gran dressed as the jack of clubs while a chicken on her shoulder is dressed up in a parrot costume with the 3 and 4 of hearts stuck to its wings which it flaps trying to shake them off. 

For some strange reason, there's a snake curled around the tap. This snake's eyes reveal a diamond in each eye (2 of diamonds). Turning on the tap, the snake falls into the bowl and makes the shape of an eight (8 of diamonds). You take a glass in the shape of a number 5, but the water is bright red, and at the bottom of the glass is a big diamond worth a billion pounds. 

You throw the water on your smoldering pants. The water runs down into one shoe which you take off to reveal a 3 of diamonds. You turn the card over and it turns into the 3 of spades. 

You have an image in mind of a wizard waving a magical number 1 which turns everything he points at into a heart, which then explodes like a firework.  

You have just memorized 12 cards from the pack. 

If you really need to remember something bad...turning those things, names, places, dates (whatever) into the most ridiculous story you can imagine makes it easy. 

You'll be surprised at what you can remember or can't forget! 

By Jason Coote

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